I phoned God to ask him to stop the clock at 11:59 pm
So I could put a hold on tomorrow, at least for a few days
So I could put off saying goodbye to you.

God has become an automated service
A franchised McReligious service
‘Thankyou for calling God’s hotline’, the generic, exploited voiceover said.

‘For sin confession press six six six,
to admit to adultery press six nine,
to support God’s program to lower the divorce rate, press seven,
for born again Christians, press feeling alive five,
to remind yourself of the ten commandments press one zero,
and for all other queries, please hold the line,
God or one of his representatives will be with you shortly’.

God answered the phone within the ninety second call service standard.
I told him that I wanted him to stop time for a while,
so I can get my head around losing you.
He answered with a no.
‘no one’s worth stopping time for’, he said, quickly adding
‘But if Angelina Jolie waked to Heaven’s door to ask for directions, I might just delay moving the second hand…Great set of tits, er lovely lips…’

I hung up despondently, but still desperate.
I wanted some more time to hang on to the nothingness you gave me.

I used technology to show him how much you mean to me,
How much I love you, in hope that he may reconsider.
I texted him a picture of my unbroken hymen.
I saved myself for you. That’d do it  -
Giving more someone love than I expected to receive, and a virgin to boot!
Did my phone plan include free multimedia messages to God, my mind wandered.

God texted back, telling me the only man worth saving myself for
Was his son.  Though he thinks his son would get more ladies
If he shaved more regularly.

An hour passed.  God called me back.
Mary had just read her seventh self help book for the week.
She gave God some advice for me.
God bellowed: ‘Girlfriend, he’s just not that into you.  It’s time to let go’.
The tone of his voice let me know he was the Big Brother of hopelessly unrequited love.  I was supposed to have sixty seconds to leave you behind, or something like that.
I never did get into reality TV.

Before I ended God’s call, I asked him why you hurt me so,
Why you lied when you knew I loved you.
If anyone could get into your mind, it would be him.
God hesitated.  

He told me that the times you were hurting me, the attention of his thought police were diverted,
Probably trying to work out what Katie was thinking when she agreed to marry Tom.
He then added, ‘it just happens’.  
Obviously his thought police were paying attention to another ex boyfriend of mine’s line,
The one he used when he told me he didn’t love me anymore.

It was time to let go.  Time to say goodbye.  God wasn’t going to stop the clock.
You’re just not that worth it.
All God could do was to give me three bandaids to patch my broken heart, and a condom
‘That’s to relieve your pent up frustration’ he said,
‘So you don’t go breaking another commandment’.